December 10, 2012 by Ashwin
Last few days haven’t been really good with not much good happening personally or professionally. But I’ve been through worse and that too not long ago. But everything looks gloomy right now. It happens to me every Monday but this time different. It’s not that I hate Mondays it’s just that I don’t like weekends when I don’t do much. And last few weekends have not been much happening, it was like sitting all day at home and feeling depressed. I feel like something is weighing me down. No thoughts in the head, Empty.
Last few days or weeks have been like this with not much happening around. Whenever I want to think about what’s happening to me, I end up with the same thoughts and I thought I had moved over. People close to me say I haven’t but I have, at least I think so. Then what’s weighing me down? Why I’m not happy or cheerful like most of the time?
Someone told me it’s about not keeping well and medicines. It all started in October, getting hurt in the knee with a bad blow on the knee while playing cricket that I ended up not walking for a week followed by another blow on the eye last weekend, my face drenched in my blood and it was irritating, why it’s happening so often. Though, i was lucky to have escaped with just 2 stitches it could have been a lot worse. Could have been a damaged eye or or direct blow on head but lucky it was not that bad. After that I have been on regular medicines since then and I feel it’s because of these bloody medicines also I’ve been at home a lot and that too alone which I hate. I was reading my diary, reading a lot, it had been with me for more than 2 years and then with all the frustration and irritation in my head I burnt it. I regret it but it will probably help me not going down the imaginary lanes I don’t want to but once wanted to.
Right now it’s very hazy and I can’t explain and probably don’t want to. It’s like all the things are piling up. Perhaps I need to run away, I feel like going somewhere, I want to travel anywhere. Also, this week is an important week if something good happens I can get rid of all the cynical thoughts and the hope comes back. Just want myself back nothing much.